The past weeks had gone really wild. Literally. From the insane load of works (school stuff) to you-can-never-imagine torturous exams.. I felt that everything that is "on-going" in my world was such a disaster. Having "sleepless nights" were never new to me, as if it's part of my being that i can't shut my eyes unless its two or three in the morning (and back then, those nights were senseless at all - doing Nothing). But for these past weeks, everything turned the other way around that i am now pre-occupied up to like 3 or 4 a.m. These sleepless nights beget to more sleepless nights.
My biggest problem is my mind starts going and well. It's the worst feeling one can get. I could be laying in bed, tossing around and turning. My eyes are closed but my mind just keeps wandering and not able to fall asleep. Though I function normally the next day.
I'll be up at 1am listening to music and surfing the internet (almost all of them), stressing out that I'm not doing my assignment/recitation/exam studying. And the longer I wait to start, the more I guarantee that I'll have to stay up later and later to finish it. And, ironically, one of the many reasons I use to convince myself not to start is that I'm too tired.
ito ung gabi ng walng tulugan tlga. We have to finish load and load of school works.. I remember may quiz kami sa Nat. Sci at Math. di ko alam natutulog na pla ako. Damn!! Good thing I still managed to pass my quizzes despite my sleepiness.. Oh college life.!! Stop torturing us.!!
But alas!! first sem is over.
I want to kill my professor in math even in history.. Our finals are crucial type...! It's common for people to have intrusive violent thoughts like these. Anger just makes me want to go on a stabbing spree.
I had such high hopes for college.. My math is making me emotionally unsettled And even though I don't do my work due to lack of motivation and pessimism. I've started to have panic attacks and frequently feel like throwing up. In all things it is better to hope than to despair..
This blog really does...blogging for me now is a reliever but for all the things that is lined up for me to do, NOT YET.
