Dear Prince William,
I am so, so sorry to hear speculates on the relationship between Kate Middleton and the Queen, whom Middleton apparently snubbed last year when she rejected an invitation to join the Windsors for Christmas turkey at Sandringham. Your girlfriend Kate Middleton will be on the other side of the world? (oh! Kate what have u done?) I applaud you for dating someone who's middle class. Middle class has a lot to offer.
Like me.
Like me.
I do believe I would be the perfect Mrs. William...um...of Wales? Mrs. William Future King of England? Mrs. Shari Bautista-Windsor? Shari, Princess of Wales, Mrs. Windsor?
I know there would be a big age difference.
But I'm willing to overlook it.
We'd be perfect.
I don't cook. You have an entire kitchen staff.
I don't clean. Helllewww, maids and butlers all over the place at your house!
You like to buy people gifts. I like to GET gifts!
You like to stay out of the public eye. Me, too! I have successfully managed to NEVER get my picture in the Enquirer, Us weekly, Star, or Girls Gone Wild.
We have other things in common, as well.
You like children. Perfect!. kids? you can HAVE! FREE!
I've noticed your cheeks get pink when helping starving, underpriveledged children in the cold. Mine, too. Er, when I'm out in the fierce sun, that is. Going through the McDonald's drive-thru... I heard you can booze-up £15,000 well I'm a big spender too..
May I be so bold as to assume you like water? Well, guess what, big boy? ME TOO!!!!
And they say you marry those like your family. Well, I, too, have the occasional good fashion sense, so your grandmother and I would get along famously!
Give it some thought, William. I understand you're still with Kate . But at least everyone knows that I'm totally willing to come with you, enjoy the first class ticket to London you'd buy me, and devote my hours to being your rebound girlfriend. And if that doesn't scream, "We have a future!"
From the perspective of today,marrying into Britain's house of Windsor is certainly no fairy tales, all have gone through divorce, marrying ME will prove them wrong... then I dont know what does..
Off to make some tea and scones...
